Go brush your hair, aka Long Hair for Folks who Failed Girl 101

So. My hair.

It’s really damn long & I love every single inch of it. I’ve had a lot of questions about how I do my hair, how I use hot rollers, etc so I thought I’d answer a few of them. (By answer a few of them, I mean give you a crazy post in great detail about my luxurious locks.) Not because I’m some fashion & beauty guru, but because I’m NOT a fashion & beauty guru. I have a big red F all over my Girl 101 file. I’m hoping that the stupid little tricks I’ve learned might help some other beauty school drop-outs.

Step One: Figure out what works for your face & style.

I have fine, thin hair. I feel best when I have either really short hair (like the old Posh cut) or really long hair (what I have now). The in-between is not my friend & makes my chin look chunky & my hair limp. It also does a weird flip at the end that is uncontrollable. I also look better when I have a side-bang & it’s because my forehead just seems to keep growing. Five finger forehead club, make some noise!

Step Two: Figure out what works for your life right now.

I love my hair in the Posh cut & it was fun to have when I was a young newlywed with a modest house & no children. But at $65 per trim every 6 weeks plus washing & styling every day, it is just not the cut for me right now. I need something that is cheap on the upkeep, easy to toss in a ponytail, and can easily go two-three days between washings. Bingo! Long hair.

Step Three: Find a hairdresser & marry her.

Or him. Either way, find a person that works for you & don’t let them go. I’ve been seeing Crazy Tana since 2007 & I love her almost as much as my psychiatrist. Like every stylist in Raleigh, she tends to disappear to another salon with no warning & zipped lips (thank you, non-competes!) but I can usually hunt her down. Raleigh has like, a black market secret underground watch system for hair stylists. A few months ago I couldn’t find her & desperately needed a trim, so I tried out a new girl. Twelve tearful hours later, I was swearing that nobody but Crazy Tana would ever touch my hair again.

Crazy Tana also likes to serve me champagne & put pink dye in my hair once she thinks I’m properly sauced. Some people might find this appalling, but I find it endearing. I gave her an extra-big tip on that day.

Step Four: Learn how to wash your hair.

Some of you are going to laugh hysterically, but it wasn’t until I become a loyal reader of Veronika’s that I realized I had been washing my hair wrong for twenty years. I was still washing & conditioning all over every single day like I was still mucking horse stalls in the summer. The correct way to wash your hair is to scrub the shampoo into your scalp, not the entire length of hair. Then condition only from the base of your skull down. Automatically my hair was lighter, fuller, & less oily-looking.

Step Five: Train your hair to be dirty.

I only wash my hair every 3 days. Yes, even though I work out. The idea is that the less you wash it, the less you strip the natural oils, which means your hair isn’t all OMG NO OIL MASS PRODUCE! all the time. It took about 4-6 weeks of my hair looking kind of dingy & like crap by day two, but I powered through. I know, I know. I’m such a soldier. Now my third-day hair looks like second-day.

(more in-depth post coming asap on dirty hair)

Step Six: Find YOUR products.

I have dandruff.

I feel like I need a support group for it. Hi, my name is Beth Anne & I’ve had dandruff my entire life.

So I use Head & Shoulders religiously. No fancy salon shampoo up in here. Past the grocery-store shampoo, I started asking around Twitter & Instagram about what people use for their hair. I tried to focus on one thing at a time – “Hey, mommas! What do you use to get your hair fuller & thicker?” or “Any suggestions for a product that will help my hair hold curl longer?” I also started reading beauty blogs like they were my life line – Veronika & Kate are two of my favorites. Veronika has hair I want & the texture of Kate’s hair is similar to mine, so I took their hair routines & combined them to make my own.

On a whim one day, I walked into a local salon & ran into a friend from high school who worked there. I told her about the changes my hair had gone through & what I wanted for my hair & she was like, “BUMBLE, dude.” She loaded me up with Bumble & Bumble products, I flinched at the price tag, but started using them. I fell in love. So with that, I say this:

Good hair product is well worth the price.

I spent YEARS buying the cheapest stuff in the grocery store because I thought all hair products were made alike. Result: I hated my hair for years, frustrated that it never felt thicker, shinier, or held the curl. Now I’m shelling out more cash, but I get jealous of my own damn hair some days. So that makes it worth every pretty penny.

Step Seven: Get a good routine that doesn’t take too much time.

Chances are that you’re a woman on a mission once your heels hit the floor in the morning. You need your shit to work fast while the coffee brews, which is why I use hot rollers like an 70-year-old Southern woman.

these are the curlers I use, by Conair.

7:15am – hop in the shower. wash my hair correctly.
7:25am – head downstairs with wet hair that is moderately towel dried & combed. fix breakfast.

7:50am – set up hibby with cartoons & head upstairs. my hair is now dry-ish & ready for product. spray on thickening spray, then rub in styling creme. turn on hair curlers. start drying hair with paddle brush. result is straight hairs. (sometimes I stop at this point & have straight hair for the day.)

7:55am – set hair in rollers. quick spray of bangs with hairspray. keep rollers in while i get dressed, dress hibby, pack lunch, etc.

I roll my hair low – not on top of my head – because I like my curls to start around my jaw. I start on the front left side & wrap a 1-inch section around my first jumbo curler, with the curler on the bottom side of my hair. Then I grab a 1-inch section beside it & wrap with the curler on top of my hair. Then the right side with the same technique. The last 3 1-inch sections are in the back of my hair & I wrap with the curler under.

8:20am – pull out rollers, fluff & separate curls as needed, head out the door. (sometimes I even drive with the curlers in & fluff in the work parking lot) Loose waves = pull out in 5-10 minutes. Tight curls = leave in for a solid 30 minutes.

If you notice, I really only spend about 20 minutes actively washing & styling my hair. Since I only do this routine 2-3 times per week, I’m only spending an hour on my hair per week.

On a final note, I say this: my hair is something I adore about myself now & it feels so damn good to say that. I spent years thinking that I would finally start taking care of my appearance when I was thinner or had more time, or that I was a complete hopeless case of girl that would never get it right. I take a weird pride in being low-maintenance, but I’m learning that it doesn’t mean my hair has to scream how lazy I am.

So people of the world, go forth & brush your pretty hairs.